Open Your Mind.
Shadowy Thoughts
You are the god of your own Mind
Lexi Stagg threw open the door of the coffee room, scratching her dirty blonde hair as she headed to the coffee machine. She was nervous and struggling with something on her mind. She pulled out a cup from the cupboard and grabbed the kettle. There wasn’t any coffee left in the kettle.
“Really,” said Lexi. She looked around to see Warren Holmes, a co-worker of hers, sitting down at the table eating a big slice of cake. He looked up at her with his brown eyes. Lexi shivered as they pierced her. He lifted his mug. “You could have at least put on another pot.”
“Not my job,” he said.
“It’s never your job,” she said under her breath. Warren just scoffed and went back to eating his cake. Lexi grabbed the coffee and started to put on another pot. “Aren’t you told old be having sweets?”
“I’m old enough to eat what I want, get off my back.”
Lexi stood there, staring at the pot as it started to heat up. She didn’t need his sass right now. She had more important things to deal with.
About an hour ago, she started to hear a voice. She always heard voices, mostly whispers, but today one voice was louder and as clear as day.
“Almighty God, please come back to us,” said the voice in her head.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” said Lexi quietly, still staring at the pot. She knew where this voice had come from. She knew where all the voices came from. A world different from their own, one that was imagined by a little girl who daydreamed far too much.
“The people are dying, and the Capital has been overrun with greed and despair. You are our only-”
“Nope, I put childish things behind me years ago.”
“Are we just playthings to you, my lord?”
“You’re not even real. You’re just the phantoms of a little girl.”
“I’m as real as the screams of the poor as they are butchered in the streets. Heovratea is real to me,” the voice said sternly.
“Sounds terrible, but I got my own problem squirt.
“I-I, have…. never…” he stuttered.
“Leave me alone.”
“Excuse me,” said Warren. Lexi turned around.
“Sorry, just talking to myself.”
“Hmph.”
“How long is this pot going to take,” Lexi whispered.
“I care not for your pot. I only ask that you come back and bring order,” said a voice.
“Think about this…What’s your name?”
“Kiirion Caersaelk of the Caersaelk family of the 24th generation.”
“Kii, can I call you Kii?”
“No, I prefer my name.”
“I’m going to call you Kii. I’m not a child anymore. I have adult things to worry about. I don’t care that your people are dying. Why don’t you think about this logically and just go to the people in charge and ask them for help.”
“I’ve tried. They’ve only spat in my face and tossed me out. I’m sure I mentioned that they were greedy and corrupt.”
“Then why don’t you just start a company with the plan to help your people.”
“No one will trust a knight’s apprentice. I’m just a nobody in the eyes of those of high power.”
“Join the club,” Lexi said, sighing to herself.
“Do Gods have high Gods that they work under?”
“Something like that, but I think our situation is a bit different.”
Lexi poured herself a cup of coffee and took a sip. She jerked her head back and blew cold air over the coffee. She turned and headed for the door when Neil Teach entered. His red and grey hair was thick and connected with his beard. Neil was an older man, not as old as Warren, around his 40s.
“Lexi, just the woman I was looking for,” he said saucily.
“Mr. Teach, how may I help you,” she said with ice in her voice.
“Now, don’t be cold. I wanted to invite you to my summer cottage this weekend.”
“As the manager don’t you have more important things to be doing,” said Warren glaring at the two of them.
“Mr. Holmes eating your lunch early, I see,” said Neil looking at his watch. “Did you finish-”
“I did Neil, can you three take your conversation elsewhere?”
“Three?”
Warren chuckled to himself. It was a dry laugh with no enjoyment in it.
“Just making a joke, Neil. Your sexism is pretty much another person,” said Warren glancing at Lexi.
“Well, Neil, that joke was terrible, and I’m not sexist,” said Neil walking over to the pot of coffee and grabbing a cup. Lexi started to leave. “I’m not done with you Lexi, a woman should stay until dismissed.”
“Excuse me,” said Lexi turning around.
“I meant no disrespect-”
“You just disrespected me.”
“What a foul man, is he also a god,” asked Kii.
“Quiet,” Lexi whispered back.
“That’s not the issue here,” said Neil wiping lint from his bright Hawaiian shirt. “I’ve invited you to my cottage. You should be grateful. I’ll pick you up Friday around 6.”
“I didn’t even say yes.”
“As a woman, you have no choice.”
“Last time I checked, my sex doesn’t dictate what I can say or even do.”
“You’re a woman,” asked Kii. “I guess you being a woman doesn’t matter. You’re a God, after all.” Lexi started scratching her head aggressively.
“Women should listen to men. That has been the rule since Adam and Eve. And stop this scratching. It’s unbecoming of you,” said Neil.
“What backward world do you live in? I have rights, and you can’t talk to me like that.”
“If you want to keep your job, you will change your tone, Miss Stagg.”
Lexi stopped. She wanted to take her coffee and throw it on him but restrained herself, burying it deep inside her. She needed the job, it paid well, and the bills were adding up, child support was due. As much as she wanted to punch the living daylights out of him, she held back, only clenching her fist.
“You’ve had a harsh life too,” said Kii.
“That’s why I left,” She said quietly. “I couldn’t be a kid anymore. Sometimes you have to grow up.”
“What are you mumbling about,” asked Neil.
“Mr. Teach, you can’t talk to her that way. I’m sure your father wouldn’t like a call from HR. Now be a good boy and scamper off,” said Warren.
Neil looked at him and tried to puff himself up but was deflated by Warren’s glare. There was just a presence that Warren emanated that made everyone in the office uncomfortable. He was not to be taken lightly. Warren held some type of secret that only made him more dangerous than everyone else. To make matters worse for Neil, Warren was in Mr. Teach Senior’s goodwill. He couldn’t do anything to him.
“Well, look at the time. I better head back to my office, things to do,” said Neil walking towards the door. As he passed Lexi, she suddenly stood up straight and shivered. Neil placed his hand to his face to feel the newfound warmth and then left.
“Report him for that,” said Warren.
“It’s just butt swipe. I can tolerate that much,” said Lexi.
“Then go back to your desk.”
“Why are you so cranky?”
“Because I can’t eat my damn cake in peace,” said Warren slamming his fist on the table.
“Uh.”
“It’s the only good thing I have going right now in this dark and ice-cold world that just keeps battering me down. It’s thirty minutes of my life, don’t go and ruin it.”
Stunned, Lexi just nodded and left the coffee room. She headed back to her desk and sat down.
“God,” said Kii, he sounded young, that of a teen.
“What,” said Lexi letting out a sigh and slumping in her chair.
“I know things can be difficult. I feel it every day like a storm with no sight of ending. Just rain and thunder every day washing away any hope you might have for a bright tomorrow. I have some kids that I take care of. They are my light. I lost them a couple of days ago, and any hope I had was gone. Listen, I didn’t know this was going to work. To be honest, I was expecting to hear silence.”
“Then, why are you here.”
“Because I believed. I have never seen your face or heard you speak. I wasn’t even a believer, but the church pays well. When I lost the kids, I needed to believe in something. So I climbed the Mountain of Whispers, where thousands have died to reach the top; only my faith kept me going. All I have left is faith.”
There was silence for a minute or two. Lexi sat, trying to comprehend what she just heard. He was like her once, full of life and just believing that everything could work out. Reality showed them otherwise that it’s cruel and cold. Emotions only make you weak and slaves to others. They needed a thick skin to survive, but what it is, thick skin, then just tolerance for cruel actions. So Lexi became like everyone else, broken, a frigid mother with no love. Like Warren.
“What do I have to do to help you,” she asked.
“I don’t know. I was hoping you would tell me.”
Lexi looked at her monitor and then out the window. It was grey and dull like her. Then she started to wonder about that world she dreamt up all those years ago. When she would daydream in school. Of magic, and heroes, villains that showed no mercy to the weak, and of dragons and magical beasts that hid legends and secrets of the world. She closed her eyes and let herself drift.
The smell of the mountain air filled her lungs, and the sounds of birds and dragons filled her heart. It was refreshing and peaceful.
She let out a deep breath and opened her eyes.
“My Lord,” said Kii.
Before her was a vast ocean of clouds, where tips of mountains pierced and birds swam. She looked down at her hands and noticed that they were young and fresh, that of a teen.
Kii walked up and placed his cloak around her naked body. She turned to face him.
“You must be Kii,” said Lexi. He had blonde hair and wore bone and leather armor, with a Red Cross on his chest. He was young, just like her. Dark bags hung under his eyes, and he stood there astonished.
“Why did you-”
“Isn’t this better? Maybe I need a little faith like you. Let’s go see those kids of yours.” Lexi stood up and waved her hand, and the petals from the cherry blossom formed a robe for her.” We have lots to do, my shadowy thought.”
“Yes, my lord.”
